I know this won't be the last time that one of my kids gives me a heart attack. I need to get used to the idea that I will never have control over every situation. While Haley and Judd were in town we took the kids to a new water-park. It was a new adventure for the kids and Raegan walked in as confident as ever. She ran to the pink kiddy tube slide and slid down, and was kind of coughing and choking at the bottom, but no big deal, she had a life jacket on and she survived. She ran to me for words of affirmation, and of course I told her great job and then I said that she should try out the yellow slide now (which was the other kiddy slide right next to the pink one), she took off her life jacket and went sprinting in the other direction up the stairs to the tippy top of the water park slides, the part that's only for adults. I was screaming after her and running but soon realized she couldn't hear me over the noise and there was no way that I was going to catch her before she went zooming down the world's hugest tube slide; I needed to be at the bottom for her when she came out. My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited at the bottom of the slide I thought she was going to come out of, since I couldn't see her at the top. A few of the slides had yellow on the bottom, so I took a guess.
The next thing I know is Raegan is standing behind me and she said, "Mom, I did it." The look on her face was terrified and I could see she was using all her energy not to cry and be brave. She hadn't come out the slide I thought, she had come out the one from the very top. I hugged her and she started bawling. I tried to be brave myself and tell her she did a good job and it was over and she didn't have to go down that slide again.
She continued to melt down and just wanted to go home. After talking to her for a minute she admitted to me that when she ran up to the top the coach (life guard) yelled at her, "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!" and she went down the slide anyway. Raegan said, "I don't know why he was saying that to me. Getting in trouble was harder on her then the actual slide itself. She didn't want me to tell anyone what had been said to her and later that night she was still talking about it. After I put her to bed she came out and told me, "Every time I try to go to sleep I think about the coach saying whoa, whoa, whoa, I can't stop worrying about it."We probably won't be going back to this over priced water park again, well at least not for awhile.
Friday night I had a horrible migraine. The kind of migraine that blurs your vision, makes you nauseous and not only was my head going to explode my arms were numb and I could barely move without feeling as if I was going to throw up. It was no good. The next morning I woke up with a headache that I have still not been able to get rid of, it's been 4 days now and I am still suffering the effects of that migraine. Last night was the worst though. I opened my eyes in the night and the room was rapidly spinning and wouldn't stop. Even when I closed my eyes my body was spinning. I stumbling into the bathroom because I was sure that I was going to throw up from being so dizzy and ended up just lying on the bathroom floor and not moving. After what seemed like an eternity the spinning slowed down enough for me to get back into bed and fall asleep. I owe a huge thanks to my sweet husband for staying up with me and making sure I was still alive.
This morning after Kurt left to work my kids came in to get me and I was so tired and still feeling dizzy. I told them I hadn't been feeling well and asked them to let me sleep for another minute. They left, I heard tons of racket in the kitchen and I just lied there thinking I didn't care what they were getting into I would deal with it when I woke up. Twenty minutes later they came into the room with breakfast in bed for me. Macy was covered in flour and Raegan had explained how they made me toast sprinkled with sugar to make it a little bit sweet because she knew that would make me feel better, and she poured the milk all by herself. She was so excited and proud and watched me with a smile as I ate my toast.
Just as I suspected the kitchen was a massive mess. Every measuring cup was full of half flour and half sugar and the floor was covered. They had tried to clean up their mess, the broom was out and partly swept and there were wipes full of flour all over the counter. But I didn't care, it was the sweetest mess to wake up to knowing they had done it for me. I love my girls.
....but I'm not naming any names.
I really had thought that she had grown out of her crazy, into everything, not listening stage. But I was wrong. It's back and worse then ever. I'm so tired of hearing myself say: "MACY, come here/ stay out of that/ don't pick your nose/ where are you..." Not that I'm naming any names though. She is wearing me out.
Macy has waited what seemed like an eternity to her to start dance lessons. This year she was finally old enough to do what her big sister does. She loved getting ready for dance, in fact she'd have her tutu on hours before it was time to leave. Up until the last couple times of dance she couldn't wait to go. The last couple times of lessons she decided she was scared to go into the room without me, so I had to sit either next to her or in the back of the room while she danced. So I started to get nervous that she wasn't going to go on stage to do her recital dance. Kurt and I paid some good recital fees and had to buy the costumes, so as far as I was concerned she was going to dance in the recital. At the dress rehearsal on the stage, she took a minute to warm up, but then loved it, which gave me hope that she would do it the next day.
Both Raegan's and Macy's recitals were on Saturday, they had 2 separate recitals and luckily Raegan's was first so Macy was able to watch her and get excited about it, she kept asking when it was her turn to perform. The next recital came up and Macy was just fine to be backstage with her class and wait for her turn.
The kids all came running out and a little girl stood on the blue taped spot on the stage that Macy was on the night before and Macy didn't know what to do so she came to the front of the stage and put her costume in her mouth and wined at me, since I was on the front row taking pictures, I was telling her to go dance and couldn't hear what she was telling me. The music ended, Macy didn't dance, and then she told me it was because she couldn't find her spot. She mentioned it several times later in the day how she couldn't find her spot. It was heartbreaking as a mother to see her so excited to perform, then not know what to do when she didn't have a spot to stand in.
The slide she thought I was talking about and ended up going down by herself.
